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Dec
25
In London, they’ve banned bottles of water at airport security for ages now - for sensible reasons perhaps, but reasons that logically and logistically are completely disproportionate to the level of the threat posed. To my knowledge, no other country does this. Even in Tel Aviv, they weren’t very bothered about my bottle of water.
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Tel Aviv Airport
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But they were bothered about everything else. You see, the moment you mention you’ve been in the West Bank to the pre-check-in security people, things start to happen. It starts with a bristling movement in the face of the security guard you’re talking to. This is usually followed by a subtle raised eyebrow towards a group of back-up staff a few metres away. This in turn begins a chain of small spontaneous gestures and looks of mutual understanding that flit between the security team and the security supervisor, and lead to an ‘informal’ and fairly ‘relaxed’ interrogation as you wait to have your luggage pre-screened.
Once the words ‘West Bank’ have been mentioned though, it’s not really a question of whether you will be searched to within an inch of your existence, but of for how long they will draw out the process, and how uncomfortable and guilty they can make you feel at the same time.
The answer of course is not very - they’re mostly young and well-meaning people, similar to their army colleagues, and they’re all just doing a job. They do not embody the policies they carry out. Some are more or less incompetent than others. But the orders are strict, and however politely they’re carried out, a full search means a full search. As my British and American colleagues and I are separated from each other, we’re siphoned off into mysterious side-rooms marked ‘WARNING: DO NOT ENTER’, and given the Full Monty. Well, not quite — I don’t get the full strip search, thankfully, but everything bar my shirt and trousers is given a complete and thorough analysis. I note to the enthusiastic young guy who returns my personal belongings that my iPhone has been well and truly played with. "We have to give everything a thorough inspection, Sir", he says, smiling. As he escorts me back to the luggage checkpoints, he is full of questions about it, for it has not yet been released in Israel, and he appears to be something of a technology nut. Evidently, he has thoroughly enjoyed the last 10 minutes 
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If you’ve been to the West Bank, expect to be incarcerated in isolation for at least 10 minutes whilst security people pick apart every one of your belongings!
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My violin has its own difficulties with the security staff. After making a big scene about it, they insist - utterly pointlessly, and they know it, for they must see hundreds of violins a week pass through the airport - that they need to put the instrument through the x-ray machine… without the case. Which they can’t do. Because obviously I won’t let them. After much melodramatic silliness and yet more explosive-tracer wipes on the violin’s varnish, someone mildly more senior agrees that the violin is not too great a risk, but gives me an ultimatum: either I let them x-ray the violin without protection, or I play them a tune to prove the violin works.
I don’t need any further encouragement. I’m through the Violin Player and well into Paganini’s 24th Caprice by the time they insist that I shut up before their supervisor comes and tells them off. If that weren’t absurd enough, they then ask me to drink one of the Palestinian beers in my suitcase, to prove it’s not dangerous. Violin, beer, a free massage from the security lady… I’m having a great time! Perhaps, as Bethlehem resident Alastair Mitchell quips, I should come here more often…
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Taking covert photos of security people doing silly things is one of my favourite pastimes
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You have to give it to them… you can’t argue with the effectiveness of security this thorough. I couldn’t have smuggled explosives onto this plane without having swallowed them. This depth of security works. And so does the fear and potential for discrimination inherent in it.
Finally, the party was over. The security hawks moved on to other targets, and I was free to go. Free in the broadest sense of the word of course; any visitor who has had the whole ‘You were in the West Bank?‘ treatment also gets a personal escort all the way through to the departures area. And then, Sir, you can please Enjoy Your Flight.
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Ben Gurion airport has a very beautiful and imposing departure lounge - a masterpiece of design. Water falls from the centre of the ceiling to the pool on the ground creating a placidity and calmness rare in such a place as this.
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So that left me with an hour to stock up in the duty free. Equipped with several large glass bottles, I waited until the plane had taken off, then smashed the bottles, rampaged murderously around the aircraft, fought my way into the flightdeck, and hijacked the aircraft.
I didn’t really. But you get my point. All walls are permeable. It just depends on how much effort is needed to break them.
Or dissolve them.
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